True Love

Human beings experience love in direct proportion to their level of consciousness. Love is our natural state. Love imposes nothing on another, and in turn requires nothing but merely delights in the uniqueness of each being. Freedom is always an essential ingredient of true love.

Since consciousness is as yet a rare state for human beings, the love that we feel at our present level of consciousness is coloured by several factors including our conditioning, our desires, and the behaviour of our beloved. We fall in and out of love. We establish social formulas and rules within which we experience romantic and sexual 'love'. There may be moments of stillness when we feel a surge of pure love for another being. Sooner or later however, most people become disillusioned with romantic love when they realise that happiness and security cannot be guaranteed by another.

We blame our partners for not accepting us, for not loving us, for not giving us what we need. The constructed self identifies completely with the beloved, and seeks to control and possess the object of affection. Confusion, anger, conflict, violence, pain and deep unhappiness most often result from unrequited love or failing relationships.

The focus of our love must be inward in terms of connecting with the deep source of love that is our essence, and outward in terms of loving others. It is a futile exercise to become caught up in whether other people love us or not. We can never control what another person feels for us. In reality we can never fully know what anyone else feels because that depends on their capacity to open to consciousness and hence to experience true love.

A greater degree of clarity will ensue when we realise that our attempt to love others is part of our spiritual development. When we begin to experience consciousness in the moment - outside of time, past or future - we may gain an awareness of what true love actually is.

Beyond all the thoughts, emotions and conditioning, your essence is pure love. No one can ever take this away from you. This is the natural state of all beings. Love is an expression of our oneness with the whole of life. It is part of our purpose on earth to realise this truth. Love freely given is the ultimate gift to another person. While everything in the physical plane is impermanent, true love cannot end because it is at the very heart of our essence.

You may like to note down your answers to the following: Whether you are in an intimate relationship or not, list the attributes you most desire in a mate. Take each of the above attributes in turn. Why do you consider this attribute to be important? If your mate, or potential mate, lost these attributes would this bring about a change in your feelings of love?

Again take each of the above attributes in turn. Now apply them to yourself. Is this a quality that you have already developed in yourself? If not, consider how you can develop this trait in yourself.

Love and Acceptance Observe the boundaries and formulas you erect around the circumstances and object of your love. This may help you to gain greater awareness as to what true love actually is. True love is complete acceptance of the other person. This does not mean that we must accept negative or destructive behaviour. It simply means that we can see past the conditioned responses and lack of awareness that are temporarily obscuring this person's true nature. There may be times when we need to leave a relationship that is interfering with our ability to grow, or is causing us too much pain. However we may still wish the person well, and send them love and light.

The basis of true love is acceptance. In accepting and loving another, not as we imagine them to be but as they actually are, we are flowing with the reality of life and moving away from illusions that delude us and cause us confusion and suffering. There is nothing as clear as true love. Thus we can only begin to love ourselves as we are, without demanding that we change some undesirable aspect or achieve some goal. True love emanates from within. By loving what is - all of yourself as you are in this moment - you can offer the same precious gift to another.

True love recognises the unity and oneness of all beings. This pure love requires a heightened state of sustained consciousness. When we feel true love for another it is not possible to experience its opposite - fear, hate, fury or jealousy. True love is not limited by the constraints of physical or mental attributes. True love knows its own magnificence at the deepest level of existence and therefore recognises the sacred beauty and inherent perfection of all other beings. True love is so distant from our usual notions of loving that it may sound extraordinary that this kind of love could ever be found. Yet true love resides within and is naturally revealed when there is full awareness. When we finally experience true love - whether for a moment, a day or a lifetime - our whole life is full of love and we are no longer concerned about whether or not another person loves us. True love has no concern, no agenda other than to simply love.

Ever wonder who your true love is? Participate and have your true love revealed. Get Started Now!

Extract from "Course in Consciousness" by Lucy Costigan, published by iUniverse 2004. Lucy Costigan's career has been quite eclectic. She has worked as a magazine editor with Wexford Life, a technical writer, an analyst-programmer, a counsellor, and a programmes' facilitator. Lucy holds Masters Degrees in Equality Studies (UCD, Ireland), and in Research (NCI, Ireland). From an early age Lucy has been on a quest to discover the ultimate meaning of life. Lucy's books have been reviewed on RTE (Ireland's National Television and Radio stations), on BBC radio, and in various international publications. RTE's popular Sunday Show dedicated a full-length program to her book Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace (Columba Press, 1998).

Lucy's books include: Irish Guide to Complementary and Alternative Therapies (Wolfhound Press) Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace (Columba Press) Winter Solstice: A Novel (iUniverse) Social Awareness in Counselling (iUniverse) What is the Meaning of Your Life (iUniverse) Course in Consciousness (iUniverse) Women and Healing (iUniverse) The Transformation of Yvette (iUniverse). Lucy lives in her native town of Wexford, Ireland.

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